Monday, December 21, 2009 ♥ 02:42

Lots of thoughts ran through my mind the moment I woke up this afternoon. In fact, even before I go to bed every single night, every single day. I came to a point that I do not know what I am doing with my life. Yea, everyone is sick of hearing me not knowing.

I see my life, full of dramas. I watch movies and tv shows, and I had been in those character's positions. No kidding. From The Notebook to Ugly Betty to F.R.I.E.N.D.S to P.S I Love You. Hah. So irrelevant. But that's my life I guess.

I am sick of this. It's been on repeat a lot of times, and I've grown numb to it. I thought I was in the head of the game, but it kept tumbling down whenever I had it in my grip. It is hard. Life is hard. Nobody said it is going to be easy. Not for me. Like you said too, I can't have everything. Neither can you.

I never blame anyone for my mistakes. I do believe the decisions I've had made, I am responsible. I believe the past, I believe those stupid decisions, I believe the hurt, I went through just made me the person I am today. But at times, I do fall apart. I do break down.

This, is the hardest year I've dealt so far. It's the longest road I've ever had. It's exhausting and exhilirating, too.

I think, I'm living a lie at times. I put on a thick mask everywhere I go. At home, in school, public, with friends, or whoever. I do have great friends, who have been helping me through. I have been opening up more that I ever used to. I thank you all for everything. I appreciate every single time that they had been there for me. However, now I think I am slowly closing in again.

I'm officially ruining my life, for now. I've been running, but I can't hide. I'm tired.

And to someone, we're back at one, again. Sorry.
0 paperhearts!
nhh♥


nhh.
27nov1988.

this is where i express myself.
be it through words, or visuals.
i dream, but i dont fantasize.

dreams are reality
that you want to create.


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